Home > Fashionably Dead and Wed (Hot Damned #7)(4)

Fashionably Dead and Wed (Hot Damned #7)(4)
Author: Robyn Peterman

“I love when you say that,” I giggled.

“Say what?”

“Nuptials. It’s so formal.”

“I’m older,” he said as he picked me up like I weighed nothing and sat me on his desk.

“Than dirt,” I added with a laugh.

“Yes, well some might call me a cradle robber, but I call myself the luckiest man in the world.”

His grin made me horny and his words made me melt.

Our age difference was astronomical, but it rarely occurred to me unless someone brought it up. Ethan had been waiting for me for hundreds of years and fought hard to make me his. We were possessive, jealous, wildly attracted to each other and would have a very hard time surviving if something happened to the other—not to mention the sex was off the charts. It was all kinds of perfect and I loved him to the point of distraction.

“I suppose the best and most unfortunate route to go is to take a meeting with Satan.” I shook my head and shuddered. “I was hoping to avoid him for a while.”

“I’ll deal with the pissed of Vampyres and you deal with your Uncle,” Ethan said. “We get rid of the Demons. We make the tight fisted Vampyres pay their share. And we tie the knot. Win, win, win.”

“It’s not going to be that easy,” I said, tracing his lips with my finger.

“Nothing worth it is.”

His lopsided grin made me want to jump him, but I wasn’t in the mood to be responsible for Gareth’s death—I liked Ethan’s brother. Not to mention the deaths of whomever else was meeting with the Prince of the North American Dominion today. My mate was one of the most important and powerful Vampyres in the world.

And I wasn’t too shabby myself.

Chapter 2

“I’m really not following how this is my fault,” Satan said as he made himself far too comfortable behind Ethan’s desk. “Where did you get this desk? It’s fabulous. I’ll have to procure one while I’m in town.”

“You mean steal?” I asked, very aware that my dear Uncle was avoiding the main subject at hand.

“Semantics, my darling niece. How are the wedding plans coming along?”

I’d decided to take the meeting with my uncle in my mate’s office. I’d kicked Gareth and Ethan out and summoned the Devil. There was far less of a chance of the visiting Vampyres spotting Satan on the premises if we were locked away. Satan had seemed a bit miffed that we weren’t in the massive ballroom or at the very least, the parlor, but he was rolling with the lack of formality.

“Fine,” I answered warily. I refused to discuss my big day with him.

I’d inadvertently discovered Satan had planned to kidnap his hero aka stalking victim, Steve Perry of Journey fame to sing at my wedding. Since then, the subject of my nuptials was off-limits. Poor Steve Perry had been through enough. My cousins, the Seven Deadly Sins, had recently abducted Mr. Perry as a Christmas present for my uncle. That had been a clusterfuck, well, except for the fact that Steve was now one of my closest friends. He did not deserve to be taken hostage by lunatics twice in the span of a single year.

“I know you’re displeased with me.” Satan pouted as he rearranged everything on Ethan’s desk. “But my feelings are hurt that you’re leaving me out.”

“You don’t have feelings. You’re the Devil,” I muttered. I removed the Super Hero decoupage cup from his hands before he could pocket it. It was a present from Samuel for Ethan. The Devil could get his own damned pencil cup.

“Touché,” he said with an evil little smirk and put a stapler in his pocket.

If I were capable of sighing, the mother of all sighs would have left my lips. Dealing with the Devil was very similar to dealing with my toddler son. If I turned my back, something usually went horribly wrong.

“The Demons,” I said flatly, getting my flighty, sticky-fingered uncle back on track. “They’re coming through portals an alarming rate. What’s going on?”

“How am I supposed to know?” he replied with a casual shrug. “Hell is large. Demons are crafty.”

“You’re supposed to be in charge,” I snapped.

“And you, my dear, are supposed to be in charge of the Vampyres. From what I hear, there are rumblings from the undead peanut gallery about your new laws.”

He certainly had me there.

While I pondered how to reply to that one without digging a deeper hole to bury myself in, Satan came up with a plan.

A horrible plan.

A horrible, crappy, shitty plan.

“How about this?” he suggested, looking more beautifully evil than usual.

My stomached dropped as I silently waited to hear his latest nefarious proposal.

“Why don’t we have your wedding in Hell and I can have my people check out what’s going on with the portals?”

“Interesting,” I replied with a barely concealed groan. “And why don’t I just hop on over to Purgatory, get the Sword of Death and chop off my own head?”

“That’s a bit extreme,” Satan said with raised brows as he pilfered a few of Ethan’s Mont Blanc pens.

“And having my wedding in the Underworld isn’t?” I demanded, stomping over to the scariest man alive and removing the pens and stapler from his pockets. “Vamps can’t even be in Hell for more than a day or so. I’m fairly certain Uncle God and Cousin Jesus won’t set foot in Hades anymore and I wasn’t planning on even inviting the Seven Deadly Sins. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg of reasons why that’s the shittiest idea I’ve ever heard.”

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