Home > Fashionably Dead and Wed (Hot Damned #7)(11)

Fashionably Dead and Wed (Hot Damned #7)(11)
Author: Robyn Peterman

“Shhhh,” Venus said, trying not to laugh. “It’s okay. Seltzer water gets blood out. Trust me, I know. Everything will be okay. I promise.”

“All I want to do is marry Ethan. I know it’s dumb, but it means something to me. I want Samuel to be there and see how much his mommy and daddy love each other. I want my friends and family to come. I want to eat wedding cake and smoosh it in Ethan’s face, but I can’t eat because I’m dead,” I wailed as I dropped to the floor and curled into a ball.

“Gemma can eat the entire cake and then you can drink her blood and taste it,” Venus consoled me. She squatted down next to me on the floor and rubbed my back. “I know it’s not the same as eating it, but you can still taste it.”

“But if Mother Nature makes it, it’s going to taste like ass,” I whimpered.

“Mmmkay, can’t help you there,” Venus replied with an audible gag. “Wait! How about I order you a black raspberry chip ice cream cake and we hide it in Hell’s kitchen. Gemma can eat it on the sly and then pretend to eat the real wedding cake. I’ll put a spit bucket under the table and Gemma can drop something and spew out the nasty cake your grandma makes.”

“You would do that for me?” I asked, my voice still clogged with tears.

“I’d kill shit for you. Of course I’ll buy you a wedding cake that tastes good,” she replied with a smile as she wiped away my tears.

“I’d kill shit for you too,” I said.

“Dude, you’re a freakin’ killing machine. Nobody can pop a Demon like you.”

“Thanks,” I said, starting to feel better. “I am pretty good at that. I think maybe the wedding stuff is getting to me.”

“You have a lot going on, dude. I mean this year has been a killer.”

“Pun intended?” I asked with a small smile.

“Totally,” she answered with a delighted smirk. “Let’s get you changed. Sammy will be up in a bit and you’re a bloody mess.”

“Again,” I said with a huge groan. “Pun intended?”

“Again. Totally.”

“Venus, I adore you.” I hugged my friend tight.

“Back at ya. Forever and always.”


“You can’t wear that.” Ethan’s tone was clipped as he glanced up from the paperwork on his desk.

I was happy to see the office had been restored to its former glory. The trees and birds were gone and the rug had been replaced. We kept furniture and rugs in a stock room now in anticipation of my family’s destructive visits.

“And why not?” I glanced down at the icy blue fitted Stella McCartney sweater dress Venus had picked out for me when I was sure I was done crying. “Is there something on it?”

“No, there’s nothing on it,” he said with an eye roll.

“Then why in the Hell can’t I wear it?”

“Because it shows off your body too much,” he informed me as if that were a reasonable objection.

“Um, are you serious? I wear stuff like this everyday and I’ve never heard you complain.”

“I’m complaining now.” His superior tone made my fangs drop and my fingers spark.

“You are not the boss of me. I am the boss of me and I look fantastic in this dress,” I snapped and accidentally put my fang through my bottom lip. “Dang it, look what you made me do. If I bleed on this dress because you’re being a butthole, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Did you just call me a butthole?” he asked with a closed eye wince.

“If the shoe fits,” I muttered angrily. “Samuel thought I looked pretty.”

“You do look pretty,” he shouted. “You look beautiful. You look hotter than Hell. I’m just not in the mood for any other male Vampyre to ogle you. Killing someone today would be bad form. Besides, that damn dress is boner material.”

“You did not just say boner material.”

“I most certainly did,” he shot back in a tight voice.

“You have a boner?” I asked, biting back my victorious grin with effort.

“Yes,” he hissed. “Are you pleased?”

“Yep. Does it hurt?” I bent forward, purposely revealing a whole bunch of cleavage.

“Now it does,” he griped. “Not sure I’ll come off as the all powerful Vampyre Prince of the North American Dominion with a monster erection.”

“I think your package is mighty impressive. I say wear it with pride. You’ll scare the shit out of them and they’ll run screaming from the compound with jealousy.”

“Astrid,” Ethan warned as I lifted up my dress and mooned him, revealing the lovely fact that I was going commando. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Since you’re already dead, that would be an impossibility,” I told him with a careless shrug as I pulled my dress back down over my naked bottom. “But I could help you out real quick if you’d like.”

“There are four irate Vampyres on the way to my office as we speak. We have about ten minutes and all the blood from my brain is now in my dick, thanks to your lack of panties. If you’re going to do something, do it now,” he hissed.

“Fine,” I said, trying not to laugh. He was so easy and he was about to pay the price for thinking he was in charge of me… “Close your eyes and listen to my voice.”

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